Examining the impact and purpose of loss, I explained my beliefs; each one of us is here to find enlightenment. Until we reach that individual consciousness that entwines our spirit and our mind, we are re-born. The lessons we each must learn do not come easy and a combination of our own paths and God’s good grace determine our outcome. Ultimately we are always faced with the same choice: live and learn or permit ignorance and die.
I am an old soul. I have been here many times before and I am weary now.
I hope and pray that in this lifetime I will reach my own enlightenment.
I don’t recall a time where I wasn’t in some form of pain. My earliest memories are shrouded in grief. And although I feel so blessed each and every day, I do not wish to go through it all again.
Poverty and trauma always leave a mark. I feel older than my years.
I often look around me and see my fellow beings living with such energy and physical strength. For a long time I envied them; coming to terms with my own physical limitations has been a sad experience. But now I have reached a point of acceptance, I applaud these people that embody what I cannot. Parents strong enough to survive the physical demands of producing and maintaining life in this frantic society that we live in, the ambitious extroverts who fill each day with activity and engagements, the people who aren’t marred by fatigue or frailty.
Now, I admire them.
But in the reconciliation with my own abilities and attributes, I am grateful that I am able to contemplate and develop my mind and soul.
I watched my dad prepare for his death long before he was diagnosed with cancer.
I was lucky to have an example of that man who realised the value of the spirit, of thought and introspection. My father was not a rich man, nor was his later life filled with action or vitality. But he was able to watch and see. He demonstrated to me the need for reflection in the path to our purpose.
I’m watching my mother begin her journey. She is beginning to understand what she must do. Each individual’s enlightenment is painful in the beginning; we must see ourselves clearly and the mirror can be sharp in its clarity.
We both are starting to let each other go. It is the way it has to be in order for us each to move into the next room. And when her time comes, I know I will feel calm beneath my tears because at long last she will have peace.
The chaos of her mind will finally ease.
I take joy in life, despite my scars and fatigue. I look to God to see me through. He provides all I need and has filled my life, however hurtful, with love and warmth.
